


Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, And Everyone Else's Nightmare

by Shatterdome



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Axton and Salvador are basically a background comedy duo here, Brick and Mordecai adopted Tina, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mordecai proposes with diamond encrusted brass knuckles, Sober Mordecai, The B Team share one braincell, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, mentions of other vault hunters - Freeform, minor animal endangerment, only against bandits tho everyone is fine, set after Commander Lilith DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterdome/pseuds/Shatterdome
Summary: Near death experiences weren’t exactly rare to Mordecai. If you didn’t have at least once a week, you weren’t living right. And if you weren’t having average one per day, then you sure as hell weren’t on Pandora. However, almost turning into a plant-zombie, that was a different kind of almost-died. It made him like, reevaluate his life and shit. And after a little soul-searching with Talon on a hunting trip, he came to the decision: it was time to make an honest man of Brick.





	Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, And Everyone Else's Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this on and off since the Commander Lilith DLC, so obviously the best time to finish in a hurry and then drop it on the net it 2 AM like a day and half before 3 comes out.

Near death experiences weren’t exactly rare to Mordecai. If you didn’t have at least once a week, you weren’t living right. And if you weren’t having average one per day, then you sure as hell weren’t on Pandora. However, almost turning into a plant-zombie, that was a different kind of almost-died. It made him like, reevaluate his life and shit. And after a little soul-searching with Talon on a hunting trip, he came to the decision: it was time to make an honest man of Brick.

It wasn’t like they’d never talked about it. After adopting Tina, they just sort of took it for granted that one day they’d get married, especially since Tina kept badgering them about it. The thing was, when you take something for granted, you feel no pressure to make it happen. That is, until you got flowers growing through your lungs and there are vines wrapping around your esophagus from the inside. That shit was awful. Mordecai couldn’t even say his life was flashing before his eyes, because everything was just plant-addled. It was after coming back around, realizing he talked about getting married to a bee, when he figured maybe it was time to just propose to that tank of a man.

“Why are you staring at me?” Brick asked, pulling Mordecai back to the present. They were sitting at Tina’s tea table, having lunch (tea and crumpets she had on-hand, though she was absolutely eating better these days) while she finished packing the last of her things. In two weeks, they were finally getting off Pandora. “Do I got blood on my face?” 

“No more than usual. Got some crumbs, though,” Mordecai replied, and reached across the table to wipe them away with his thumb. And because Mordecai couldn’t help but be an old sap, he slowly caressed the scar going across Brick’s top lip that sprawled across his cheek. “I ever tell you how badass that scar makes you look?”

“Aww, Mordy, you’re making me blush,” Brick smiled, and sat back. He took Mordecai’s hand in his own huge one, and they sat there, in silence, for about two seconds until an explosion went off in Tina’s workshop.

“IT’S AAAWWWLL GOOD IGNORE THAT!” Tina shrieked from behind the garage door. Mordecai jumped to his feet; Brick didn’t.

“TINA? You okay in there mija?” he shouted back as smoke poured out the two feet between the door and the ground. Ignoring Tina’s protests, he heaved the door up, hacking up a lung all the while.

When the smoke settled, there was Tina, somewhat singed, holding onto what quite possibly the biggest rocket launcher he’d ever seen, with a line of grenades strung around every bit that stuck out. On the barrel, in big red letters, was written “THE HONEYMOONER,” the name of the rocket launcher. It took Mordecai a moment to realize that literally everything in the room was covered in a layer of glitter. 

“It’s a surprise,” she said, trying to hide it behind her back. “For uh, when a certain someone-someone and another certain other someone-someone finally get hitched,” she admitted. 

Brick cackled.

“It’s great!” he shouted. Brick delicately put down his very tiny teacup, got up, and went over to Tina. “Can I try it out?” he asked, picking it up with one hand. Tina nodded vigorously, her whole body bouncing.

“OUTSIDE!” Mordecai shouted before Brick could shoot it off inside again.

“Of course I was gonna take it outside!” Brick said back, indignantly. “Ain’t no bandit camps in here!”

Mordecai and Tina perked right up. The three of them made their way outside Tina’s place, passing by a sleeping Butt Stallion and an awake Talon sitting by the furnace. Once they were at the bridge across from the bandit camp, Brick loaded the rocket launcher. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today,” Tina started.

Brick pulled the trigger before she could get any further.

In a second, the bandit camp was set ablaze. The rocket split into a handful of child rockets, each one with a different elemental damage, so it was a mish-mash of colors and violence. The last one to pop off was a glitter bomb, covering the whole bandit camp in sparkles. The bandit’s screams of agony were drowned out by the gun playing an EDM version of the wedding march. Somehow, the smoke managed to spell out the words “Just Married” in the sky. It was awesome. 

Brick, Mordecai, and Tina were cheering their heads off. Not a single bandit made it out. 

“Ah man, Tina, when we get married, YOU’RE in charge of decorations!” Brick laughed, and slapped her on the back in a friendly manner. She went crashing to the ground, laughing all the while.

“HELL YEAH!” she screamed. “I HOPE YOU LIKE RAINBOWS, BITCHES!”

“Ahaha, let’s get back inside before my tea gets cold,” Brick said. He slung the rocket launcher over his back and went back inside.

“You go on ahead amigo, I gotta talk to Tina about something,” Mordecai said, and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Awww, Mordy-mom, don’t be maaaad,” she whined from the ground. Mordecai could hear Brick laughing in the distance. “I know you said ‘no blowing shiz up inside’ but I didn’t mean to! It’s part of the creative process!”

“Hey, hey, you’re not in trouble, don’t worry,” Mordecai said, and kneeled down to look her in the face. He’d given up on the whole ‘mom’ thing. She wasn’t going to drop it, and he knew that. After he was sure Brick couldn’t hear them, he continued. “I’m finally gonna ask Brick to marry me.”

The noise Tina made was both deafening and inhuman. Mordecai covered her mouth.

“Shh, I said _‘gonna,’_ not _‘have done.’_ Don’t ruin the surprise!” he begged.

“OhmygodohmygodohmygodOHMY GAAAAD I’M SO EXCITED I COULD DIE!” Tina whisper-screamed, which was an improvement. She latched herself onto Mordecai, trapping him in a weirdly tight hug. “How are you gonna do it? Did you get homeboy a ring yet? That bling-bling gotta be TOIGHT,” she babbled.

“I was actually thinking I’d do something a bit more personal than a ring,” Mordecai admitted, and pulled out a pair of Brick’s brass knuckles he’d swiped from their dresser that morning. “I know I’ve been on his back to get a new hobby, but he ain’t ever gonna stop punching things, so he might as well punch things in style. Plus, there’s no way he knows his ring size, and this already fits.”

Tina grabbed the brass knuckles from his hands and inspected it. 

“I was thinking you could help me get some diamonds on this thing. Maybe get Butt Stallion to cough some up—”

“Shawty we feedin’ this thing to her and when she poops it out it will look AH-MAAAY-ZIIIIING,” Tina interrupted, and smooshed Mordecai’s face in her hands. “Trust me, I know my girl, she will be D.T.B.—Down To Bedazzle!” 

Mordecai winced at the thought of proposing to Brick with something that literally came out of a horse’s ass, but then realized Brick’s punched his hands through much worse stuff, so it would be fine. He’d just, wash it a few times first. 

“You got any eridium on you?” Tina asked. “My kween ain’t eating this unless it’s in an eridium sammich.”

“Man, I was saving this for Lilith,” he complained and pulled two pieces of eridium out of his back pocket and handed it to Tina. “Figured a bribe might help in getting her to officiate.” 

“Mordy, there is no way she’d turn down that proposition, ‘specially if one of us cries when you ask her,” Tina replied as she situated the brass knuckles between the eridium in a way Butt Stallion probably wouldn’t notice. “Now you go distract Papa-Brick with your masculine wiles while I go butt-dazzle this thang.”

“I’m not—“

“DO IT!” Tina yelled.

“Okay, okay! Geeze.” Mordecai got back up, helped Tina up, cracked his back, and went back inside her place. Brick had put the rocket launcher on the table and was squatting next to Butt Stallion, petting her mane. It wasn’t fair for a dude that big to be that cute. Mordecai smiled, and walked over to him. He patted Brick on the back.

“Hey, mi corazón, I think there’s some heavy stuff in the back I need you to load into the technical,” Mordecai lied. He was pretty sure the only big things left were the vending machines and Tina’s mattress. But, knowing Tina, there was probably some giant explosives lying around somewhere. 

Brick ran his hands down Butt Stallion’s mane one last time before he got up.

“After we set up a home base, not just a ship, I’m getting a new puppy,” he announced. “Gotta make sure she’ll have lots of room to run around.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Mordecai said, took Brick’s hand, and led him away from Butt Stallion so Tina could work her magic. “I kinda feel bad for Talon and Butt Stallion, being cramped up in a ship, but it can’t be helped at the moment.”

“I know you don’t want to put down roots just yet,” Brick started. “But I think when we find a planet to settle down on, we should open an animal rescue. A real one, not like the Hyperion one. With tons of dogs, and birds, and I dunno, I think if we got a not-asshole stalker that might be cool if we find one.” 

“Nah man, a stalker would eat the dogs, can’t have that.” Mordecai scratched his beard. “I’m down for a real animal sanctuary, though.” He waved his free hand in front of them, as if showing off a sign. “Brick and Mordecai’s Second-Chance Animal Preserve.”

“Featuring Tina,” Brick added on.

“Featuring Tina,” Mordecai amended. “We’d have to bar Hammerlock from visiting, though.”

“Small price to pay to pay to make sure the dogs are safe.”

They stopped in the middle of Tina’s workshop-slash-bedroom. It was still completely covered in glitter. Mordecai glanced back to see if Tina was done. She was standing with Butt Stallion, giving him two thumbs up as the pony finished swallowing the goods.

“I was gonna say we should grab Tina’s bed, but all things considered…” Mordecai trailed off, gesturing to the sparkling mess.

“GLITTER’S THE HERPES OF ARTS ‘N’ CRAFTZ,” Tina shouted and bound over to them. She jumped straight onto Brick’s back, and climbed on top of his shoulders. She had to hunch down to keep her head from hitting the ceiling. “BUY ME A NEW BED! I wouldst greatly liketh a down feather mattress, akin to the one which the Lady Everly dost sleep upon.”

Mordecai chuckled. 

“If it’s good enough for Lady Everly, it should be good enough for our Duchess Tina,” he said, and bowed.

Brick rolled his eyes.

“Man, you two are such dorks.”

\--

For better or worse, the Backburner was serving as Sanctuary II until Ellie got the new hub up and running. The survivors from the original Sanctuary had set up a shanty-town city, and the raiders kept it safe, for now. It was, quite honestly, depressing as hell seventy percent of the time, but they had a nice community garden going that provided more fruits and vegetables to feed the civilians than most have ever seen. The origins of this garden were, of course, not open knowledge.

Mordecai made Tina swear she would never eat one of the cucumbers from the community garden. She said that wouldn’t be a problem.

“Where’s Lily, I gotta ask her something,” Mordecai announced as he arrived the next day at the raiders’ ramshackle headquarters. After taking down Handsome Jack, he tended to split his time between Sanctuary and Slab Town, with Brick.

Inside the HQ were Maya, Salvador, and Axton. The new-old Vault Hunters-turned-Crimson Raiders took shifts being on guard at the headquarters. When not on duty, they were usually doing something to help Sanctuary II. Gaige had been working with Ellie on some ship plans, Krieg was headlining a Moxxi-sanctioned arena to keep the civs entertained, and Mordecai had zoned out when Zer0 explained in haiku what they were up to these days. At the moment, Maya was practicing levitating a bunch of unlit candles with her siren powers without destroying them, Axton was shaving with his tomahawk and Sanctuary II’s only surviving mirror, and Salvador was building what looked like a sniper with a ball peen hammer at the end. None of them acknowledged him.

“I said, where’s Lilith?” Mordecai repeated, louder. The three Vault Hunters stopped what they were doing to pay attention.

“She’s on the roof,” Maya answered. The candles dropped to the floor and dented. She very conspicuously put her body between them and Mordecai’s line of sight, as if he wouldn’t notice. “Not sure why, though.”

Axton shrugged.

“She said ‘something something vault key, something something high vantage point and not melting anyone’s skin,’” he summed up as he finished shaving. “She had her fire wings out and it was distracting, okay?”

“Amigo, is it true?” Salvador asked before Mordecai could leave. “My little friend said you’re finally gonna wed the big dude!” He gestured to the gun he was working on. “Working on my wedding gift right now!”

“Mira,” Mordecai started, turning back around. _Of course_ Tina blabbed, what was he expecting? “I’m working on it, okay? Speaking of _which,_ I _need_ to talk to _Lily,_ so _later._” He gave them a two finger mock salute and hustled out just as Axton started talking about his failed marriage.

The way Mordecai saw it, he had two options: climb up himself, or have Lilith teleport him up. The choice was obvious.

“Aye, Lils, you up there?” he shouted, taking a few steps back. “I brought you some eridium!”

Everything went tingly and purple and white for a moment, and his liver might have been in his gallbladder for a split second, but then he was on the roof, standing next to one of his oldest friends. She sat down on a loot chest (full of low-grade pistols of course,) and looked at him.

“Sup,” Lilith said with a wolfish smirk and nod of the head. Mordecai sat down next to her, passing her most of the eridium he brought.

“I take it you got whatever mass-ECHO Tina sent out?” he asked, and popped open a small crate next to the loot chest. It was one of the spots where he’d taken to stashing his sodas while on patrol. He cracked one open. Not exactly cold and fresh, but it was slightly cooler than the air, so close enough.

“Oh it wasn’t a mass-ECHO. She called everyone individually to scream about the news,” Lilith leaned back and cracked her neck. Mordecai glanced around.

“I thought you were doing vault key stuff?”

“And I thought you ‘weren’t ready to put down roots,’” Lilith pulled out some air quotes, and then punched him lightly in the shoulder with the siren arm. The possibility that he could explode ran through his mind, but he didn’t, so it was fine. “I’m joking! C’mon, man, we can’t get any privacy down there; I had to come up with something that would get them off my back! Now spill, did Brick cry when you asked him?”

Mordecai was silent.

“Oh my god, Mordy, you didn’t ask him yet, did you?” Lilith deadpanned, leaning in front of him so he had to look at her.

“I’m working on it!” he defended. “I’m giving him some diamond brass knuckles and I’m waiting for them to be finished!” Mordecai threw his hands up. “What, am I supposed to propose before I got the rock?”

“Diamond brass knuckles?” Lilith repeated mirthfully. “What, a skag pearl ring not good enough? You won’t even have to worry about the pheromones once you get off Pandora—no skags, no skag attacks.”

Mordecai scratched at the back of his neck as he felt his face heating up. He didn’t really think he’d need to explain his reasoning that much, and now that he had to say it out loud, he felt kind of embarrassed.

“I just, y’know, wanted to give him something he’d never want to take off, and you know that’s extremely his shit,” Mordecai mumbled.

“’Never take off,’ really?” Lilith said, genuinely looking surprised. “Not even when he’s wrist-deep in your—”

“HEY HEY HEY!” Mordecai cut her off. “I never asked for the crude details of your sex life!”

As if he needed to. Early on in Lilith and Roland’s courtship-turned-relationship, before everything went to hell, Lilith had given Mordecai blow-by-blow updates, and he had hung on her every word. It was basically an ECHOnet soap, but with real people he knew and also more murder and no commercials. It was great. Turns out, being the subject of other people’s entertainment, not that great.

“Anyway, I figured I’d ask you something before I asked him,” Mordecai said, getting back on track. He pulled out the rest of the eridium bribe. 

Lilith’s eyes went wide.

“Are you asking my permission to marry Brick?” she asked, incredulous.

“What? No, I—“

“Then are you asking me to give him away?” she looked at him, confused. “Which, like, sure, I’ve been trying to give Brick away for years, take ‘im.”

“I want you to officiate,” Mordecai spat out before she could cut him off again. “You’re like, our oldest friend. It would mean a lot. Plus as the commander of the raiders I figured you’d have the most authority.”

“Aww, Mordecai,” Lilith said. She got up and pulled him into a hug. “Of course! Just tell me when and I’ll make it happen!”

“Thanks, Lily,” Mordecai said, cradling the back of her head. “Once we start actually planning I’ll let you know.”

She let go of him, and patted him on the back. He was less afraid of getting exploded that time.

“So who’s making you the brass knuckles?” she asked, sitting back down and stealing a soda from his stash. He sat next to her, looking over the new city. It might’ve been crap, but there was something beautiful about it, everyone doing their best to survive on this hell planet. Right now it made him damn proud.

“Me an’ Tina actually fed one of Brick’s old pairs to Butt Stallion. Figured she’d pretty ‘em up all nice and I wouldn’t need to guess Brick’s knuckle size,” Mordecai said, and leaned back in his seat. “I’m waiting for it to make its way through, if you know what I mean.”

“You _what_?” Lilith asked, mouth gaping.

“Uh, should we not have done that?” 

“She’s a _horse_, you shouldn’t be feeding her metal or sharp things!”

“Why not? We feed her eridium!”

“Mordecai, I eat eridium! You wouldn’t expect me to eat brass knuckles, would you?” Lilith demanded.

“No, ‘cuz you’re a _person_, and she’s a _horse_!” Mordecai defended. “She shits out guns all the time! How are brass knuckles any different?”

“You guys okay up there?” Maya shouted from the ground. 

Mordecai realized that at some point he and Lilith had started shouting. He looked over and saw Maya standing by the door, and Axton and Salvador sitting on a generator a few feet from the base of the building, with a decent view of his and Lilith’s conversation. Salvador had a bucket of popcorn he and Axton were sharing.

“Don’t mind us, we’re just eavesdropping!” Axton shouted and waved one hand. 

“Ah, the pony should be fine!” Salvador commented, and shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “I eat nails all the time and I’m not made of rock! It’s basically the same thing!”

“What-what part of ‘privacy’ don’t you understand?” Lilith asked and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“The part where it’s boring to us!” Salvador shouted, earnestly. 

Suddenly, Mordecai’s ECHO crackled to life in his ear. 

“Uh, Mordy?” Tina’s voice asked. “Not to come in with bad news at a bad time cuz you knows I been listnin’ in on youse and Lily’s convo, but uh, my main squeeze Butt here ain’t doin’ to hawt. Might wanna grab the shawty with the healy healz magic and head on over.”

Mordecai scrubbed his hands over his face. Of course. _Of course_.

“Aye, Maya, you catch that?” Mordecai shouted downwards, ignoring Lilith’s mouthings of _‘I told you so.’_

“Loud and clear!” Maya responded. Her hands and eyes started to glow purple. “I’ve been practicing my teleportation skills, let me just—“ 

And then she, Axton, and Salvador were gone. A moment later, their ECHOes went back online, and they were screaming indistinctly.

“We’re fine, we’re uh, ugh, I think we’re in Sawtooth Cauldron. Heading to Slab Town,” Maya buzzed in once the screaming stopped. 

“I’ll be there soon. Thanks for the help,” Mordecai responded, and flipped his ECHO off so he could talk to Lilith. “Alright, I’ll call in Gaige and Zer0 before I head out, I think Krieg’s busy busting heads in at the arena right now so I’ll have Talon on air support in the meantime. I’ll call you on our private line when this is all sorted out.”

“Don’t worry, I can get them myself,” Lilith said, her eyes starting to glow as she raised her left hand. “You go take care of your mess, killer. Good luck,” she said, and Mordecai felt everything in his body collapse for a moment as she teleported him straight into Slab Town. 

\--

“Hey, babe, you’re back soon!” Brick said cheerfully as Mordecai entered Brick’s throne room. “Is Sanctuary II still standing?” 

“Yeah, quiet day, Lily sent me home early. Is Tina around?” Mordecai said, picking his words carefully.

“Yeah, she’s—”

The door was thrown open, and the three Vault Hunters—Maya, Axton, and Salvador—stood there, completely drenched in blood and guts, with a few elemental effects wearing off. Salvador’s Mohawk was singed and still smoldering a little. Axton pulled out a cigar from his backpack and lit off Sal’s hair.

“I teleported us directly into a Goliath,” Maya explained, trying to wipe some blood from her face but simply smeared it around. “Not by one, in one. And then it got worse from there.”

“Aaaye, Slabs!” Brick shouted, getting up. “Maya, you here about that thing?”

“I, uh, well,” Maya stammered, clearly not here for the thing Brick was talking about. “Sure! Let’s go talk about that thing in the other room!”

As they walked away, she turned back and pointed at Axton. _Turret healing_, she mouthed. Axton gave her a thumb up.

“Did she just accuse you of urine stealing?” Salvador asked, as Mordecai ushered the two raiders into Tina’s room where she was staying since they cleared out her workshop.

“I thought she said ‘floret kneeling,’ which doesn’t—” Axton started, but was cut off by Tina.

“I SAID BRING THE SHAWTY WITH THE HEALY HEALZ,” Tina shouted from her spot on the ground. She was kneeling next to Butt Stallion, who was many shades off her normal blinding brilliance. “NOT THIS DAHL BITCH WITH BAD TASTE! Also hi Sal.”

Mordecai positioned himself between Tina and Axton.

“She’s busy distracting Brick. And Axton’s turret can heal, right? So we just gotta, take Butt out to the wasteland and have Axton’s turret chew through a few bandits?” He guessed? Wow that sounded like a bad plan out loud.

“Ooooh! _That’s_ what she was saying!” Salvador and Axton managed to say at the same time.

Tina sighed.

“Well a healing hypo ain’t gon’ work on my gurl’z impressively thicc behind, so it’s our best shot,” she said. Tina stood up, and coaxed Butt Stallion to as well. “C’mon, girl, we gotta gets you betta, c’mon!”

Butt Stallion arose weakly, her legs buckling. Salvador caught her, and hoisted the pony across his broad shoulders. 

“I’ll carry her,” he declared. Everyone was impressed.

“Wow, so, uh, those aren’t vanity muscles are they, huh?” Axton asked as they made their way to the closest bandit camp. 

“Not the time, amigo,” Mordecai said. “Get that turret ready.”

As Salvador and Axton prepared for a wave of bandits, Mordecai and Tina started throwing rocks at the camp to alert them. 

“Hey bandits!” Tina shouted, catching a psycho right in the mask. “Come get y’all juice!”

“They’re giving out free juice!” the bandit screamed, and ran directly into the turret’s line of fire. Several other bandits followed suit. Mordecai felt confident enough in his friends’ abilities to turn away from the attacking bandits to check on Butt Stallion. She was quickly regaining color from the health field, though her face looked very uncomfortable.

“Aye, girl, you got it,” Mordecai encouraged the horse. “You just do what you gotta do.”

The scream Butt Stallion let out as she passed the brass knuckles was a sound that would haunt Mordecai’s dreams for years to come. But, not only did she live through the experience, she passed an immaculate-looking pair of brass knuckles, covering every inch with a thick layer of diamonds. It was all Mordecai could ask for.

\--

That night, it was just the two of them. Mordecai sent the Vault Hunters to gather some fancy foods from wherever they could, but through a series of mishaps it all ended up tainted with radioactive rakk blood, so Tina made them bigass sandwiches. Mordecai packed them and some sparkling grape juice in a picnic basket, then dragged Brick to the highest point overlooking Sanctuary II. Lilith had a time set for when she’d set off some fireworks above the city. Mordecai had the diamond brass knuckles in his back pocket.

“Just a little further, hermano, and we’re there,” he promised Brick as they climbed further over the city.

“’_Hermano_?’ _Really_? After all this time you’re hermano-zoning me?” Brick complained as they reached the summit overlooking Sanctuary II. Mordecai stood on his tip-toes and wrapped his arms around Brick’s shoulders.

“I would never,” Mordecai responded, and pulled Brick’s face down for a kiss. It started off short and sweet and chaste, a quick peck, followed by a longer peck, followed by some tongue. He pulled away before they could go any further. “We do gotta eat dinner though,” he said as Brick pouted a bit.

“Fffffffiiiiiinnnnne,” Brick whined. He drew a checkered blanket out of the picnic basket, laid it down on the edge of the cliff, and then sat down with his legs dangling over.

Mordecai sat down next to him, his side flush against Brick’s right. Brick not-so-subtly draped his arm over Mordecai’s shoulder as Mordecai pulled out their sandwiches and sparkling grape juice. He unwrapped one of the sandwiches and went to hand it to Brick’s free hand, but Brick simply leaned down and took a bite of it.

“Tina really outdid herself on these,” he said through a full mouth, like an absolute animal.

Mordecai was tempted to lie and take credit, like Tina instructed him to, but he knew there was no point. Mordecai was a miserable cook. Even Talon, a growing bird who ate roadkill, would snub his food. Instead he just kept feeding Brick.

“Hey, hand me yours and I can feed you back,” Brick said, swallowing a mouthful. “We can be all cutesy and stuff.”

“That doesn’t sound efficient,” Mordecai said but nevertheless he unwrapped his own sandwich and handed it to Brick, then snaked his left arm around Brick’s waist. Brick shoved the sandwich in Mordecai’s face, missing his mouth almost entirely.

“C’mon, babe, eat up,” Brick laughed as he smooshed the sandwich even more into Mordecai’s face. He probably would’ve knocked Mordecai over if he wasn’t keeping him upright with the arm around his shoulder. Mordecai had no option but to retaliate by giving Brick a taste of his own medicine. But since he couldn’t see, he ended up missing Brick’s mouth-area and smooshed what was left of the sandwich directly into Brick’s eyes. Brick lost his shit laughing and flopped backwards on the ground, accidentally dragging Mordecai down with him. Mordecai landed on top of him and made no attempt to move.

“Damn, Mordy, playing dirty!” he laugh-shouted, tossing the sandwich he used to tease his boyfriend into the distance so he could wipe his face.

“Hey, you started that food fight,” Mordecai laughed, his face finally free. “I was just defending myself from your bullshit.”

“C’mon, I had to; you’re cute when you’re flustered.”

“I wasn’t flustered.”

“You’re flustered right now.”

“I’m not flustered!” Mordecai shouted, now clearly flustered.

Brick reached up and held Mordecai’s face in one huge hand. On instinct Mordecai leaned into it and closed his eyes behind his goggles. How many people had he seen Brick rip apart limb by limb with this very hand? But still, he was so gentle, so sweet, when he wanted to be, and with Mordecai he wanted to be. Mordecai opened his eyes back up, and saw Brick looking back at him with the most adoring look on his face. It really wasn’t fair that someone so big and ostensibly terrifying could be so precious. 

“You got, uh, little something in your beard,” Brick said and started wiping away the schmutz on Mordecai’s face.

“Gee, I wonder who put it there,” he managed to deadpan. Brick chuckled at that as he cleaned up his boyfriend. 

“There! All better!”

“Gracias, querido.” Mordecai leaned over and kissed Brick on the forehead. “Fireworks are gonna start soon, c’mon.”

The two sat back up, and on cue, the first firework shot into the air, exploding into a bright red circle. Several more followed, tinging the sky in red, blue, purple, green, yellow. Explosions danced across the sky. Mordecai glanced between them and Brick. The giant man’s eyes were glued to the sky and he seemed caught somewhere between awe and joy. God, Mordecai loved him so much. He slowly took Brick’s hand in his own. It was time to do or die.

“Hey, so, I’ve been thinking,” Mordecai started. 

“Oh? About what?” Brick responded, turning his full attention on Mordecai. He squeezed his hand a little. Mordecai’s heart skipped several beats.

“About you. When we first met, you were just some weird punch-dude on a bus. I’m sure I was just some weird bird dude to you. I didn’t think you were gonna make it. I didn’t think any of us were really going to make it. And then we did. And somewhere along the line, you stopped being some guy, and you became my friend, and then something much, much more. I don’t think I would have made it this far without you, and I can’t imagine ever being without you again.” Mordecai pulled out the diamond-encrusted brass knuckles. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Brick’s face, so he focused on their entwined hands as Brick’s grip slowly cut off Mordecai’s blood flow. “I figured a ring wasn’t really your style, and probably wouldn’t last too long anyway. Do you like it?”

Brick slowly brought his free hand up to the brass knuckles, trembling all the while. Mordecai finally convinced himself to steal a glance at his face. Tears were streaming down Brick’s face, his mouth in the biggest grin. Mordecai tried to slip the brass knuckles onto Brick’s hand, but the diamonds that grew on the inside of the finger holes prevented them from fitting.

“Shit,” Mordecai muttered.

“It’s perfect,” Brick said, his voice cracking a bit. “I love it.” He pulled Mordcai into a bone crushing embrace, holding onto him for dear life while planting his mouth on Mordecai’s.

For a moment Mordecai wondered if this was how it ended for him, accidentally crushed to death by his boyfriend—his fiancé? Oh shit he didn’t say the words. He pulled back and rested his forehead against Bricks.

“Brick,” Mordecai pulled off his goggles, because dammit now he was tearing up too. “Will you marry me?”

Brick smiled dopily but didn’t say anything. That’s when Mordecai noticed that while the fireworks had stopped, Brick seemed to be bathed in a soft light coming from directly in front of them. Brick tilted his head, gesturing for Mordecai to look out over Sanctuary II. Mordecai turned his head. Before them were roughly a hundred lit candles floating in the air, with a purple glow around them. They spelled out the word “Yes.” Mordecai felt like his heart was going to explode in the best way possible.

“You knew?” Mordecai asked. By now was him clinging to Brick. He just got engaged. Holy shit he just got engaged.

“I don’t know why you thought you could tell Tina without it getting back to me,” Brick chuckled, and basically pulled Mordecai into his lap. “I couldn’t walk two feet this morning without someone stopping to congratulate me. Didn’t know what for ‘til Zer0 stopped in to say: ‘_Congratulations/On your recent engagement/To you and your man_.’ Pretty easy to piece together after that. Got Maya to help me with the candles so you couldn’t show me up too bad with the romance.”

Mordecai pouted a little, but entwined his hands with Brick’s. “Just wish it had been a surprise.” 

“Every day with you is a surprise, Mordy,” Brick said, and kissed the top of his head. “I mean, diamond brass knuckles?! That’s the best idea I ever heard!”

“We gotta find someone to get it fitted, or fixed or whatever,” Mordecai mused. “Could probably sell the diamonds that come off for some honeymoon cash.”

“Ahahaha, the honeymoon! So where are you taking me?” Brick asked, his eyes glinting mischievously.

“Wherever you wanna go, babe,” Mordecai responded. He leaned up to kiss Brick again. “We can figure it out tomorrow, or whenever. Gotta plan the actual wedding first.”

They sat there for a good long time, talking about the future and sipping on their sparkling grape juice. They knew their friends were absolutely waiting for them at HQ, those who weren’t watching through a scope from the roof at least. They could hear Tina’s excited screams off in the distance, even with their ECHOs turned off. But right then, the moment was theirs, and only theirs. They had a lifetime to look forward to, and they didn’t want to waste a single second of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Write the aggressively self-indulgent fic you want to see in this world.


End file.
